


Who We Are

by ThirdEye1234



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Forced Proximity, Friends to Lovers, Jeddy Fest 2020, M/M, Memory Loss, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:38:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirdEye1234/pseuds/ThirdEye1234
Summary: Teddy and James have a history of lifelong friendship, as well as an incident of bad timing when they might have become something more. But none of that matters now that neither of them remembers who they are or what they mean to one another. Lucky for them, love has a way of transcending time, memory, and magic.
Relationships: Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48
Collections: JeddyFest_2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tonks914](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonks914/gifts).

> Okay, so, this is loosely based on the memory loss cave prompt, and I do realize that at least one other person has chosen this prompt. And I get it because it was SUCH a compelling one! Also, I felt a little freedom to tweak the storyline a bit, since there’s already another fic with the same premise, so I haven’t followed the prompt to the letter. Thank you to Janel for reminding me of the “more cake” attitude in this fandom, and to Fidgety for the prompt, and many thanks to both of you as mods of this fest. <3 Thank you also to my beta, @tdcat!

The first thing he notices when he comes to is that he’s wet--not drenched, but damp. Clammy. Like the air in this place. His t-shirt and shorts cling to him and his toes are wrinkled.

The second thing he notices is the lean, sun-kissed young man sitting next to him, who happens to be wearing nothing but denim cut-offs. He’s got dark auburn hair, about half a million freckles, and deep blue eyes, staring in his direction.

He doesn’t know who the man is, but something tells him he should. He certainly wants to. But then, he realizes, he doesn’t know who he  _ himself _ is either. And that is probably not good. In fact, it’s probably quite bad. But he’s distracted from thinking about just how bad it could be.

“Hey,” Cut-offs says shakily, rubbing his elbow. His voice sounds familiar. There’s a warmth to it, even in its uncertainty. 

“Er, hi?” The first man says back. 

Then they both speak at once.

“I was going to--”

“Was just wondering if--”

They laugh nervously. Then they both say together, “Who are you?”

Both men do a double take. “You don’t know?” Cut-offs asks. 

“No,” the first man says. “I don’t know who either of us is.”

“Well, fuck . . .” says the other, scrambling to his feet, feeling himself, checking denim pockets for clues and coming up empty. “Neither do I.”

Well, fuck, indeed. This is alarming, to say the least. The first man stands too, swallows and looks around properly now, trying to take stock of the situation. They appear to be in some sort of cave. Maybe a tunnel? Hopefully a tunnel. It’s warm, but damp, as he’d noticed before. Little puddles of water gather in the uneven spaces of the hard rock floor. Splinters of light filter in from somewhere high above them, but most of the light allowing them to see is from a discarded wand still throwing off a dimming  _ Lumos _ a few feet away. 

“What’re you doing?” demands his companion. “H--how are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Your hair! It’s changing. It was light brown before and now it’s gone black.”

“It has?” He reaches a hand up to his crown, as if feeling it would give him any clue. 

“Yes! It’s--are you a metamorphmagus or something?”

“A . . . I mean . . . your guess is as good as mine. Maybe?” Hmm. Something about that idea makes sense, somewhere around the corner and unreachable in his mind.

“Fuck.  _ Fuck!  _ I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.” The other man is breathing heavy and shallow and starting to pace. His face has paled, making his freckles stand out even more. 

“Okay, whoa, whoa . . .” The first man reaches out instinctively and places a firm hand on his shoulder. “Hey, look at me.” --Gods, those blue eyes-- “Look right here and breathe. In. Out.”

Cut-offs obeys. They keep eye contact for a moment and then break apart.

“Look, I know we’re both lost here,” the first man reasons, melting a little bit when the other man chews his lip, “but I think we can assume we know each other somehow, and that we can trust each other. Don’t you?”

The other man nods slowly. “Yeah, probably. I--I felt at ease almost instantly just then. You seem to know how to calm me down, at any rate.”

“Yeah. I didn’t even have to think about it. Weird.”

“Weird,” he agrees, then relaxes. “But kinda cool.”

“Yeah,” the first man smiles in spite of himself. “Kinda cool.”

“Your hair changed again.”

“Really? What colour this time?”

“Blue. Suits you, actually.”

“Huh. Thanks.” His cheeks heat at the compliment. 

“You’re welcome.” A pause. “So, should I just call you Blue, then?”

Blue shrugs. “Sure. Seems as good a name as any.” In truth, he rather likes it. Obviously it can’t be his actual name, but being named is a comfort, especially when the name comes from someone who, Blue is quite certain, could call him anything he wants and he would listen. 

“And what are you going to call me?” The man Blue absolutely cannot call “Cut-offs” asks . . . playfully? His mouth twists to one side in a very lovely way. 

Blue shakes his head to clear it. “Hah, well . . .” Blue eyes him up and down while trying not to seem creepy. His eyes land on the man’s shoulders for a split second before he tears them away. 

“Freckles?” 

Shit. Is that any better than his first inclination?

Freckles frowns and looks awkwardly down at his chest. “Hm. Guess I do have a lot of those. I was hoping you’d go with ‘Handsome’ but I suppose Freckles will do.” 

Blue sucks in another grin. Is he . . . are they . . . flirting? “Okay, Freckles it is,” he says, aiming for casual. “Suits you.”

Freckles winks at him. “Perfect. Now all we have to do is figure out who we are, how we got here, and how to get out.” 

“Yeah,” Blue adds. “Piece of cake.”

“Please don’t mention cake. I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving,” Blue says absent-mindedly. 

“What?” Freckles is staring at him. “How would you--”

“I don’t know!” he says quickly. “It just came out. Like some weird muscle memory.” 

Freckles takes a tiny step back and his eyes narrow. “I really don’t like this.”

“You think I do?”

“Your hair is--”

“Stop telling me what my hair is! I don’t want to know!” Blue takes a deep breath. “Sorry,” he says quietly. “I’m fine.” He feels like he should be the calm, rational one here based on Freckles’ near panic attack earlier, but the truth is that it  _ is _ really unnerving to be in this position. 

Freckles comes closer again and sighs. “Okay. It’s okay. I get it. I think.”

“Great, that makes one of us.”

“No, I mean it. It makes sense, if we do know each other, that there are certain things we would do and say without thinking. It just caught me off guard. Maybe because it felt weirdly familiar to hear you say that. It’s like, uncomfortable but comfortable.”

Blue nods. “Yeah. Okay. Feels like a sort of gli--”

“--a glitch in the Matrix?” Freckles finishes for him. 

Blue’s heart rate picks up. “How--”

“Right?” Freckles says smugly. “Feels iffy, doesn’t it? That I knew you were going to say that?”

“I don’t even know where I got that from? What’s a Matrix?”

“Dunno,” he shrugs. “Maybe we’re in one.”

“I feel like it has something to do with spoons,” Blue says, realizing how ridiculous he sounds.

Freckles raises an eyebrow. “I feel like you need to lie down and maybe stop thinking for a while.”

“Shut up,” Blue laughs. 

It’s easy, this light banter, like falling back into a rhythm he didn’t know existed. He glances at Freckles, whose gaze is unfocused, like he’s also lost in thoughts that can’t be found. 

“Hey, erm, Freckles?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re with me, whoever you are.” 

Freckles inches closer to him so that their hands are almost touching, then seems to notice and hastily puts his hands behind his head instead, trying to settle into the hard rock behind them.

“Could be worse, right?” he agrees. “And for the record, like . . . me too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You seem like decent company. Plus your hair is pretty cool.”

Blue huffs a laugh. “What colour is it now?”

“Thought you didn’t want to know.” Freckles smirks.

“I was panicking. Just indulge me.”

“Fine. It’s still blue. But a little lighter maybe.”

“Hm.”

“Like a tropical ocean or something. Kinda sparkly.”

Blue shoots him a look. “Come on.”

“No, really. It’s my--” Freckles stops.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You were going to say something.”

“Nah, it was just one of those muscle memory things.”

“Still, I wanna know.”

Freckles sighs. “was going to say--It’s my favourite.”

“Oh,” Blue says, biting down a smile. “Cool.”

  
  


_ ~24 Hours Earlier~ _

  
  


The first thing Teddy noticed when he arrived at the Potter summer cottage was the absence of “the necklace.” His eyes flew directly to James’ neck in an attempt to confirm what he’d only heard from friends of friends: that James and Keith, his boyfriend of thirteen months (but who’s counting?), had broken up. 

But it was really gone, wasn’t it? That stupid dragon tooth on a chain that was most definitely  _ not  _ James’ style, but that he had worn faithfully after Keith had won it for him at some stupid Muggle carnival. Good riddance to the stupid necklace. Good fucking riddance to Keith. 

Teddy didn’t understand how James could have dated someone so completely wrong for him for so long. Keith was everything Teddy was not. Not that James had to date someone like Teddy, of course! No, no, they’d talked about that. 

James had practically thrown himself at Teddy after Seventh Year, and Teddy had had to let him down easy. They’d been lying on the sofa watching The Matrix for what must have been the tenth time since they discovered it. Neither one of them would admit it was because they both fancied the pants off Keanu, because these kinds of things went unsaid between them. Everyone else was asleep, and James had tried to kiss Teddy. But Teddy hadn’t even given him the chance. 

“I love you so much Jamie,” he’d said gently, turning his head down, “but not like that.”

He cringed to think of it now, but what else could he have said? 

He knew it was for the best, even if it wasn’t one hundred percent true. James had only just come out, after all, and was still quite young, even if he was technically of age, and he was probably very confused and just looking for something or someone who made sense. It would have been wrong of Teddy to indulge that whim. Yes, wrong--that’s what Teddy has been telling himself since he let the chance slip away. Completely wrong. They were practically family. So no matter how Teddy’s thoughts occasionally wandered, those thoughts were simply not appropriate. End of story. If only his brain would listen to logic. 

James had taken it well. If “taking it well” meant jumping into a relationship with the first person who asked him out and dating said person for more than a year. 

Keith really had been all wrong for him though. Keith was boring and serious--but not in a grumpy or decent or endearing way, like Al. More in a condescending and smarmy and possessive and--

“Teddy!” James’ face-splitting grin pulled Teddy back to the present and made his heart stop. Gods, did he have to be so perfect? Teddy jogged over to this boy he’d loved his whole life and yanked James into a one-armed embrace, then threw the arm still holding his suitcase around him too. “I missed you,” he said before he could stop himself. Well, it was true. Family missed one another, after all.

“Aw, you flatterer,” James scoffed, pulling back. “It’s only been like, a month since I’ve seen you, Teds.” 

Warmth crept up Teddy’s neck, both at the name only James called him and at being called out for being perhaps a little too soppy. A month wasn’t all that long, but it felt so much longer, especially since James had said nothing to him about the break up. Not a word by owl or anything. Even now, Teddy didn’t know if he was supposed to mention it or not. But if he thought about it, if it had been just some other friend, he would probably just say something in passing.  _ Sorry to hear . . . blah blah blah _ .

But he wasn’t sorry to hear. He wasn’t sure he could say even that without giving himself away. 

“How are you?” he asked instead.

James shifted his feet and shrugged. “Good. Super.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Even lost a bit of weight,” he added, twisting his mouth to one side in the playful way that Teddy loved.

“What? You didn’t need to--”

“Oh, but I did. About 180 pounds,” James continued, a twinkle in his eye. “A solid 180 pounds of boyfriend. I’m sure you heard.”

Teddy forced a chuckle. Leave it to James. “Yeah, I did,” he admitted. “I’m sorry. I should have said something but I didn’t know . . . are you really okay?”

“I am really okay,” James said, nodding. “It should have happened a long time ago.”

“Yeah,” Teddy said, then clapped his hand over his mouth, too late.

James threw his head back and laughed. “Oh don’t worry, I knew you didn’t like him. You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Lupin.”

“I really tried.”

“Did you?” James asked, giving him a half-hearted shove.

“I tried to try,” Teddy said sheepishly. 

“I missed you, too, idiot,” James said then, and gave him an indiscernible look. “Come on inside, Dad’s got an army’s worth of food. I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Freckles must be cold. He’s got goose pimples all over him that Blue has been gallantly trying not to stare at.

The day’s getting on, whatever day it is. The bits of light coming in from outside are fading, which means the temperature will probably only keep dropping. Blue’s concerned, but he has nothing to offer. His own clothes are still damp or he might offer his shirt or something. But that might be weird.

“Hey, do you think maybe we brought blankets or jumpers or something? Maybe they’re lying around somewhere? It’s getting a bit chilly, right?”

Freckles nods vigorously and rubs his arms. “Worth checking. And we should probably reignite that  _ Lumos  _ too. How’s your magic?”

Blue thinks for a moment. “I hadn’t really considered that. We’re both wizards, right?”

“Yep,” says Freckles. “I’m glad we know that much. And I figure we’re old enough to be able to perform spells without really having to think about them or remember them. At least, that’s what I’m hoping.”

“Right. So one of us should have a go then. You first?”

“Yeah,” says Freckles, swallowing. “Here goes.” He walks over the wand lying on the ground and picks it up gingerly. “Ahem.  _ Lumos _ .” He moves his arm slightly. Nothing happens. The light continues to shine, but no brighter than before. “I . . . did I do that right? It’s so fucking weird not being able to tell.”

“Maybe it’s not your wand, and that’s why it didn’t work.”

“True. Okay, your turn.” He casually tosses the wand to Blue. 

But Blue has the same problem. “Alright, how do I do magic without thinking about doing magic? It’s like when someone says ‘Don’t think of a pink elephant.’”

“People say that?”

“Apparently.”  _ Or, don’t think about how far down those freckles go,  _ Blue adds to himself. 

“Maybe it’s more of a time-of-need thing. Like, if it suddenly went completely dark, and I panicked, I could do it. Like when you’re a kid. All that accidental magic stuff.”

“Hmm. Are you afraid of the dark, Freckles?” Blue teases. 

“Hey, fuck you. Monsters are scary.”

“I’d protect you.”

“I know.” 

Both of them are quiet, choosing not to comment on that little moment. 

“Well,” Blue says after clearing his throat, “we shouldn’t waste time. Let’s use what light we have to see if we can find some clothes or firewood or something.”

“Agreed. Er . . .” Freckles palms the back of his neck. “You’ll stay close, right?” Oh dear, that’s adorable.

Blue does something else without thinking just then, taking Freckles’ hand in his. “Of course. We’re in this together.” 

Freckles meets his eye and, while it may be a trick of the light, it looks like he’s blushing. And there’s no mistaking the tightening of his grip. “Good,” he says quietly. 

Blue’s heart swoops in his chest. 

Together, they tentatively explore, Freckles holding the wand aloft with his free hand, Blue feeling out the walls and air surrounding them. They walk for what feels like hours.

“It just keeps going,” Blue says uneasily after some time. “Are we going in circles or what?”

“I dunno.” Freckles glances at the wand in his hand. “This is going to go out soon.” Then he tips his head back to look above them. “And there’s no more light coming in. Maybe we should stop? Camp out and sleep . . . or something?”

“Yeah, but where?” Blue looks around. Rock, rock, everywhere and no blankets to be found.

“If I’m tired enough I can sleep anywhere,” Freckles shrugs.

“Anywhere?” Blue laughs, raising an eyebrow, realising too late that he must sound a little suggestive. 

“Well,” Freckles says with a shiver, “almost anywhere.” 

“But you’re still cold.”

“My hand’s warm,” he says slyly, looking to where their hands are still clasped together. “Maybe we could . . . take our cue from that?”

Blue swallows as he feels his throat go dry. “Uhm . . . like . . . cuddling or something?”

“I mean, not like  _ that _ , just, you know, lean on each other’s backs or something?” He’s backtracking. Blue knows it when he sees it. Leaning on each other’s backs will not keep them warm. And he’s getting quite cold himself. And sleepy. 

“No, no, it’s fine. Of course. Er, how do we do this?”

Freckles stops walking on the spot and yanks Blue down with him. Then he lets go of his hand and lies down on his side on the ground. He shifts this way and that before giving a little pout. “Fuck, rock really is uncomfortable isn’t it? Any chance you can remember a cushioning charm?”

“No,” Blue shakes his head, choosing to sit rather than lie down next to him. “It must not be one I use very often. You could sleep in my lap if you want?”

_ Oh, gods. How did that come out? _

Freckles looks up at him. “Yeah?”

“Sure,” Blue says, his voice coming out a little too squeaky for his liking. “We can take turns. Put your head on my . . . upper thigh . . . region . . . and . . .”

“Sweet, thanks,” says Freckles before he finishes, and scoots over, resting his head just there, still on his side, facing away from him. “This isn’t too bad. Good thing you have such soft pillowy legs.”

Blue swats him lightly, but when he does, his fingers brush the soft auburn curls. His hand stills and his fingers card through them before he realises what he’s doing. Mortified, he pulls his hand away. He’s about to apologise but Freckles speaks before he can. His voice is rough. 

“You can keep doing that. If you want. I think it’ll help me sleep.”

Blue swallows. “Okay.” He slowly puts his hand back and allows himself to enjoy feeling the curls again, the way they fall through his fingertips and the soft contented sighs that escape from Freckles when he grazes his temple. He could do this forever. It’s so--

“On second thought,” Freckles says rather abruptly, shifting his legs, “maybe it’ll keep me awake. I guess you should stop.”

“Sure, no worries.” 

Maybe this is getting too weird. But not weird enough for Freckles to move away from him, so that’s something. For the next few hours, Blue doesn’t move either. He’s awake until the  _ Lumos  _ flickers out. He tries to recast it, without any luck. Finally, he scoops Freckles’ head out of his lap, wriggles down next to him and moves it to his chest--mixed feelings about cuddling be damned. He stretches an arm behind his own head, closes his eyes, and falls asleep with the pleasant weight and warmth of Freckles on his chest, feeling the steady breaths of someone who, he thinks, must matter to him very much. 

_ ~ 24(ish) Hours Earlier ~ _

Teddy’s first morning at the cottage arrived as he expected: much too early.

“Hey, Teds, rise and shine!” James chirped.

Teddy cracked one eye open to see James lounging in the doorway of his bedroom. It would have been a nice sight to wake up to, had he wanted to be awake right now. He cast a  _ Tempus _ .

“It’s not even eight,” he grumbled. “Can’t I sleep in while on holiday?" Morning people. He would never understand morning people. But James looked so happy and beautiful in the early sunlight, he knew he was only minutes away from acquiescing. 

“Aw, don’t be like that, love,” said James, oblivious to the effect his teasing nicknames had on Teddy. They didn’t use to affect him so much, but a lot can change in a year. Teddy snuck a glance at James’ stomach as he stretched while clasping the door frame. Yeah. A whole fucking lot can change in a year. “Anyway, Dad’s done a fry up and there are apparently some spooky caves with our names all over them. Why waste the day in bed?” 

“I wasn’t  _ wasting  _ the day, Jamie,” Teddy muttered, swinging his legs over the side of the bed in resignation. “I was giving it a fighting chance to start on the right foot.”

“And it has!” James said brightly. “With me. Now go get some coffee. You can catch up on beauty sleep tomorrow.”

Teddy just shook his head. “I give up.”

“I knew you’d come around.”

Not a half hour later they were off, travelling light with a bag of snacks and towels toted by James, a vision in snug denim cut-offs, his bare feet kicking up sand. Teddy was in trouble; he knew that for certain.

But he had to admit, now that he was properly awake, he was glad to be up and about, just the two of them, like it used to be: James setting the pace for some hackneyed adventure and Teddy along for the ride, basically just there to enjoy his company and make sure the bastard didn’t kill himself. 

And yet, it felt different. They weren’t kids anymore--not even James. An uneasiness took hold of him as they slowed down, approaching the dunes and rocks along the shore. Now that James was definitely single, Teddy had a choice to make, because he was quite certain James would not stay single for long. Should he tell him he made a mistake last year? That he wanted another chance?  _ Could  _ he tell him? Or would that be unfair? It was possible James had moved on for good. More than possible. Likely. Teddy might regret his decision either way, for the rest of his life.

“Merlin, Lupin, must you be so fucking  _ morose _ ?” James teased, waving a hand in front of Teddy’s face. “This is supposed to be fun. Did I really twist your arm so badly?”

“Oh, er, no,” Teddy smiled faintly. “Just thinking about a few things.”

“Well, don’t. Not now. Not . . .” he trailed off, which was unlike him. “Not when we have a whole holiday ahead of us, yeah?” he finished. “Come on! This way. There’s a cave Mum was telling me about at breakfast. They used to dare each other to go in as kids, but no one ever did. They used to say it was enchanted, or cursed. I mean, isn’t that just calling my name? Even Uncle Bill never went in! What do you think?”

“Sure, Jamie,” Teddy sighed. James seemed to really need this for some reason, so he would try to be a good sport for his sake. “Lead the way.”

He followed James through the tall reeds along the shore and under a natural archway of fallen rock that did not look structurally sound. It made him nervous. He hadn’t thought to take his wand, but he was getting better at wandless magic, so he cast a Stasis Charm under his breath and hoped for the best. 

Coming up beside James, he saw they had reached a set of jagged stone steps leading down into a dark, narrow crevice. Maybe a cave, maybe a grotto of some kind. The air was damp here, with a slight chill to it, despite the hot, cloudless day. It was creepy as hell.

“Yeah, sorry, Potter, I’m not going in there. Time to turn around. What’ve you got in that bag? Crisps, right?”

James smacked his arm. “Don’t try to distract me with food! Never took you for a quitter, Teds. Come on. Now’s your chance to shine like the swot you are. What about all those books you’re always reading? What about research?”

“Okay, one: I am not always reading. That is a common misconception about librarians. I--”

“I know, I  _ know _ .” James rolled his eyes. “You’re very smart and important and you save the world in your own way by helping people access knowledge and systems and you are also very good with decimals and have an exceptionally pretty face to boot. You know what I mean.”

Teddy blinked, let the compliments roll off him and continued. “--and two: Research is all well and good if you have the right tools but--”

“Got my wand right here! And I’ve got you. What other tools do I need?” He cast an enthusiastic  _ Lumos _ and cocked his head towards the steps.

“Alright, I’m going to skip past the part where you called me a tool and remind you that wizards are not invincible and are definitely not immune to stupid decisions. Jamie. Please. Why are you pushing this?”

James’ shoulders slumped and his cheeks flushed. “I don’t know,” he said wearily. “Okay. I’m being a prat. I would never make you do something you didn’t want to do. ’m sorry. I just thought . . .” he mumbled something incoherent.

Teddy softened. “What was that?”

James looked away, biting his lip. “I just thought we could try to get back to where we were best mates and it wasn’t awkward, okay? It hasn’t been the same since--well since, you know when. And it’s my fault. And I hate it and I just--”

“Whoa, hey,” Teddy reached out to touch his arm. “Stop that. Nothing is your fault. And, er, about that . . .” He took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“No, stop--”James cut him off. “You don’t have to. I’m completely over it.” He steadied himself on a rock jutting out from the path. “I just wish we could both forget it. Forget everything, start over, you know?”

And before Teddy could respond, the ground beneath them gave way, the steps transformed into a chute, both of them sliding down and down and down, leaving everything, including themselves, behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Blue wakes up disoriented, but only for a moment. It doesn’t take him long to remember where he is when he sees Freckles sitting cross-legged beside him, swooshing the wand back and forth, its light restored.

“Hey, you did it,” he says. “You cast a  _ Lumos _ , right?”

“Hey, look who’s awake,” Freckles grins. “My human pillow.”

Blue gives a little shrug, trying to appear casual. “You seemed so tired. I just went with it.”

“Well, thanks. I feel loads better. I mean, still a little sore. And hungry. And thirsty. But better.”

“You’re welcome,” Blue says, ignoring the heat pooling in his belly. “So how did you cast it? Do you think we’re getting our memories back?”

Freckles shakes his head. “I doubt it. I more or less did it in my sleep. Or half awake, anyway. Probably just because I was disoriented--waking up on someone’s chest, trying to figure out who was petting my hair.” He winks.

“Oh shit, was I doing that again?”  _ Oh, shit. _

“Yeah, it’s fine, really. I didn’t mind.”

Blue doesn’t know what to say to that. Was there anything else he did in his sleep? Gods, he’s half-hard right now so who the fuck knows. He stifles a groan. 

“I designated that rock over there as a loo, so knock yourself out,” Freckles says. “Then we should probably get going.”

“Right,” Blue says faintly. 

This is going to be an interesting day.

<>

After a few hours of wandering and small talk (small talk is pretty damn small when you have no memories-- _ hey look at that rock, yes it looks like the one back there _ etc.) and Blue working very hard to concentrate on their situation rather than his rapidly growing attraction to his companion, the side of his foot nudges something soft. 

“Hey, I’ve found something!” 

Both of them crouch down. Freckles breaks his hand away from Blue’s and shines the wand onto the mound in front of them while reaching out to touch it. 

“It looks like a bag. A rucksack! I think it has to be one of ours.”

“Do you think it’s safe to open? What if it’s cursed or something?”

“I don’t think we have a choice,” says Freckles, and Blue has a feeling that patience is not the man’s strong suit. “I’m cold and starving. There’s got to be something useful in there.” And with that, he hauls the bag up to this chest and dumps out the contents.

“You don’t do anything halfway, do you?” Blue says, barely concealing his affection.

A bottle, two towels and a bag of crisps fall onto the floor.

“Yes!” Freckles shouts. “We’re saved!” He rips open the bag and takes a big handful of crisps. 

“Er, are you sure . . . maybe we should be rationing . . .”

“Thut up,” Freckles says around a mouthful. He swallows. “And have some before I eat them all.” Blue didn’t know he could be charmed and grossed out at the same time, but there it is. 

Blue watches Freckles lick the salt off his fingertips and close his eyes while groaning with pleasure. “The world is so much better after crisps,” he sighs, shivers, then picks up one of towels and wraps it around his shoulders. He looks like such a kid just now, it tugs on Blue’s heartstrings. In this moment he’s sure he’s known this person for a very long time. He wants so badly to remember. 

“Seriously, come have some,” Freckles says, patting the ground beside him. “Just relax for a bit. Feed your brain.”

“Alright.” Blue slumps down beside him. “I suppose this is a small victory.” He picks up the other towel and folds it so it’s sort of a cushion. “Pass the crisps.” 

Freckles tosses him the bag and picks up the bottle. He twists the cap and sniffs the contents. “Pretty sure this is water.”

“Pretty sure?”

“One way to find out,” he grins, taking a huge gulp before Blue can stop him. “Yep, water.” He passes the bottle to Blue, who is suddenly very thirsty. He takes a big gulp as well, then another, not realising until too late that water is dribbling down his chin. When he looks back at Freckles, he sees a dazed expression and wide eyes. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have had so much.”

“No, um,” is the hoarse reply. “It’s fine. Only . . .”

“What?”

“No, it’s just . . .” Freckles looks down at the ground. “I kind of can’t stop thinking about how we know each other. Like . . . we came here together . . .”

“Probably,” Blue says carefully. “It looks that way.”

Freckles clears his throat and wipes his hands on his thighs. “But do you think we’re, like, you know . . .”

“Friends?” Blue offers, but he knows that’s not what Freckles is trying to say. Blue’s trying to give him an out, because once it’s said, it can’t be  _ un _ said. 

“No . . . I mean expect we  _ are  _ friends . . .“ He trails off again before continuing. He takes a breath. “But I’m wondering if we might be  _ together _ . . . together,” he says firmly, his gaze still fastened on the ground before he dares to look up for Blue’s reaction. 

His eyes are  _ so  _ hopeful, Blue can’t breathe. He looks away.

“But if you don’t think so,” he rushes on, “obviously that can’t be the case, so, like, forget I said anything. Or just tell me to shut up. You probably do that all time. So maybe I should just--”

“Freckles,” Blue cuts in, without knowing what he’s going to say after that. 

“Yeah?”

“I think . . .” he leans in. What is he  _ doing? _ But if he’s doing it, it must come naturally, right? Freckles is leaning in too, his eyes fluttering shut, and Blue is helpless to resist it now. He has to know. His hand finds its way to Freckles’ knee and rests there, and his whole body leans in just a little bit more, until he can smell him--sweat, saltwater, and a honeyed sweetness so achingly familiar. Their lips brush softly, and it’s warm and intoxicating. He doesn’t need to think anymore.

“Blue,” Freckles murmurs, then cups Blue’s jaw with one hand and presses into the kiss, opening his mouth and lapping into Blue’s with his tongue. 

It’s so  _ good _ . Blue responds in kind, pulling him close, his own pulse quickening, hands moving, roaming. He wants so desperately, with so much yearning, like he’s wanted this forever. He breaks away from the kiss only to mouth along neck, collarbone, shoulder. “Fuck,” he whispers into that gorgeous freckled chest. 

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” Freckles breathes, his fingers at the hem of Blue’s shirt. “Get this off.” 

It’s a terrible idea, but Blue is only human for fuck’s sake. He complies, lifting his arms as Freckles pulls the shirt off up and over his head and throws it aside, wasting no time before straddling Blue and pulling at the waistband of his shorts next. Blue should stop him. He should really stop him. But instead he nods mindlessly because he can’t stop, not now, seeing Freckles’ pupils dilated wide and his lips wet and red. And then there’s a hot, calloused hand slipping in and reaching down and stroking him, perfectly and just the way he wants, and he has to stop himself from whimpering because whether he remembers or not, he’s certain he’s never wanted anything more than this.

“Look at you,” Freckles murmurs into his ear. “I don’t know how we held off for so long. I wanted you the minute I saw you."

Blue can’t help but laugh, “It’s been one day, Jamie.” 

Whoa. Wait.

Freckles stops and so does Blue. "What did you call me?"

“Jamie,” Blue says in disbelief.

“Say it again.”

“Jamie. Is that your name?” Blue asks hopefully. Are they getting somewhere? Are they remembering?

But Freckles shakes his head again. “I don’t know. Gods, I hope so. I don’t care. Call me whatever the fuck you want.” 

“Jamie,” Blue says again, as though to try it on.

“Yes, yes, that’s who I am,” Jamie breathes and falls back into his arms. “Please.”

But something feels wrong. Something is stirring, niggling.  _ Not now. Not like this,  _ it says. Blue would like it to shut the hell up. He kisses Jamie again but the voice won’t let up.  _ No. Not yet. Not right.  _

_ Fuck. _

“I . . . can’t. I’m sorry.” And fuck, is he ever. 

“What? Why not?”

“It just doesn’t feel right. I can’t explain it. I want to, but . . . ”

“Are you kidding?” Jamie cries. “What doesn’t feel right? This is the most right I’ve ever felt!”

“Yes, me too, but . . . it also feels . . . wrong. Even if we are starting to remember. Shit,  _ especially _ if we are. Whoever we are, I really don’t want to fuck up what we might have.”

Jamie rolls off him and heaves a resigned sigh. “And what if we have nothing? What if this is it?”

Blue shivers at the thought but pushes it away. “No. There has to be something. I wouldn’t feel this way about you now if we didn’t mean anything to each other outside this place.”

A ghost of a smile from Jamie. “And how do you feel about me?”

“I think . . . I think I might be in love with you,” Blue says steadily. 

Jamie’s mouth falls open a little.

“And I think I’ve probably loved you for a long time, whether either of us knows it or not.”

He takes his hand and holds it tight.

“I wish we could know,” Jamie says earnestly. “Fuck, I wish this could just be over!”

As if on cue, a beam of light shines from around the corner.

Both men scramble to their feet and blink their eyes in astonishment. A way out. 

And then, Blue remembers.

Teddy remembers everything. 

<>

They race towards the light, no time to talk or think about anything else. It isn’t long before they come out precisely where they went in. Jagged steps, fallen rock, then soft sand and trees and sky. 

When they catch their breaths, Teddy is the first to speak. He turns to James, knowing one of them has to be the one to say it.

“James?” 

“Teddy,” he whispers back. “It’s you.” 

Teddy rushes forward and takes him in his arms, hugging him hard.

“Yeah. It’s me. And you’re you. And we’re okay.”

“And we were . . .” James’ voice wavers. “Do you still . . .”

“Yes,” Teddy says, holding him tighter. “Yes. I love you.”

James sniffs. “Yeah, I know, but like . . .”

“ _ Yes.  _ Like that. I wanted to tell you for so long. I wanted to say almost immediately after I told you I didn’t.”

James laughs. “Well, fuck.”

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly. “Teddy kisses him on the forehead and smirks. “Let’s go home.”


	4. Chapter 4

_ Epilogue _

It was a Siren’s Grotto, or so they were told when they related their story (or most of it) to Harry and then to Bill, a cursebreaker. 

A Siren’s Grotto will grant any wishes spoken aloud while inside it or touching the rocks at the entrance, though no one knows exactly how the magic works. No one had heard about one for decades before now, and first-hand accounts were believed to be more myth than fact.

The Ministry had to put up wards around it while they tried to figure out how to dismantle it. It’s all very top secret of course, since wish magic is notoriously unstable and dangerous. It goes without saying that James and Teddy were lucky to make it out with their lives. Of course, they made it out with much more than that. 

<>

Teddy stretches out on the beach blanket under the stars, James curled into his chest, exactly where he belongs. It’s only been two days since it happened, and far too much time has been spent talking to other people about it. They’ve barely had time to process it themselves.

Now, they take their time. Teddy runs his fingers through James’ hair without a hint of hesitation, and James closes his eyes, reveling in the touch. 

“I was a goner when you did that, you know, in the cave, or grotto or whatever. Like, dead gone. Probably would have come in my shorts had I not the self-preservation to tell you to stop."

“What?” Teddy laughs. “That was why? I thought it was because it was weird for you.”

“It was weird for me. It’s weird being horny in a cave.”

“I’ll say,” Teddy agrees. “Try spending all your time in one with a fit bloke wearing nothing but denim cut-offs. Merlin and Morgana, I had it one hundred times worse than you, you have to admit."

“Teds, I will admit no such thing. You might as well have been wearing nothing for all that wet t-shirt was doing for your modesty. I wanted to peel it off you.”

“You  _ did  _ peel it off me.”

“Yeah,” he grins. “I did.”

“Cheeky bugger."

“You love it, Blue.”

“Fuck you, Freckles.”

“Yeah, I’d be up for trying that again too.”

Teddy flips them over and reaches for his wand.

_ “Nox,”  _ he whispers. 

  



End file.
